In fairy tales about princes and princesses it is customary to end with the words “they lived happily ever after,” but life is not a fairy tale, and we are not of royal blood.
So, if a woman asks the question “How to get away from her husband?”, This, of course, is sad, but you don’t have to cry, but do something.
Departure from husband: how to decide and where to start
You need to understand the important thing - husband can be quite unpredictable. Yes, the person with whom you have lived for almost ten years, and maybe more, can be quite unexpected.
Expecting a scandal and an endless quarrel, you can get understanding and help in picking things up, if not encouraging care at all.
Yes, yes, it’s not only you who can decide to leave, perhaps you are just the first to decide to implement it. But anyway, often a woman in such a situation feels guilty. Where does it come from? But who knows, now you need to somehow get rid of this corrosive feeling of feeling faster.
• Put everything on the shelves
If you decided to get a divorce, it’s probably not the fact that everything is on the shelves, but the shukhlyad people are all shoved. In the event that the reason for your leaving lies in the behavior of the husband, the feeling of guilt is generally absurd. You must understand that the situation is his fault to a greater or lesser extent. So there is no need to be tormented by doubts whether you are doing this and then walking with a stone in your soul. It is better to immediately determine all the priorities and remain calm to the end.
• Emotions are temporary.
Yes, let you now feel terrible discomfort and lack of confidence in yourself, a great deal of guilt, but all this is temporary. Very soon, life will take its course, you need only a little endure. The main thing is that if you took this step and left your husband, you no longer have to ask yourself, “Did I do the right thing?” Whatever you do, it is right, because it is your decision. Life is one, and if it was only clouded by the presence of a man, then you did the right thing to remove him from your life.
• Pity for the children - what to do?
If sorry for the kids, that's another topic. Here we need to understand that children will never and never be happy if their parents live together just for their sake. Yes, today there are enough "combat" stories like "I live with him for the sake of children", etc. But this is not heroism and not courage, this is nonsense. Even if now the child is quite small and is happy about everything he sees, then at a later age he will get a real picture of the relationship between parents and then the case will sooner or later go to a divorce.
• Help the husband "adapt"
For a man unsuitable for independent living, his wife’s leaving is also a mass of everyday problems. Washing, cooking, cleaning - how, how to do it all? If you are feeling guilty about it, because your husband is banal sorry given this aspect, you can leave something like the instructions "How to turn on the washing machine," "How to make this and that," and so on. If you manage to talk more or less normally with your almost ex-husband, try to explain all these moments to him.
In general, a quiet parting is the best option, try not to get lost in the conversation and not to rush accusatory arguments. Explain your point of view and get away beautifully, without loud scandals and quarrels. Such a separation will definitely be less painful.
The legal side of the issue: how to divide property and children
The Constitution of the Russian Federation is rich in laws regarding the process of divorce. About them should know every woman who has decided to leave her husband. In fact, the divorce process is nothing complicated, but that is if both parties agree on all the nuances. And if not?
• What is subject to division
You need to know that only jointly acquired property is to be divided, that is, the machine that you inherited from your father and NOT transferred to your husband is only yours, the same applies to the things you received as a gift. Everything that was acquired during cohabitation belongs to the category of jointly acquired, which is quite logical.
• How property is divided
All jewelry, real estate, etc. is evaluated by experts, after which the property is divided. Often it is very difficult to do this, for example, how to divide an apartment? In rare cases, divided by square meters, this occurs when a special conflict on both sides. As a rule, everything is made easier, the spouse who got the same apartment, say, pays another monetary compensation.
• And if nothing is divided
If the official division of the property is not done, then all the property is considered common, and therefore if one of the spouses decides to sell or donate some of these things or real estate to someone, he must obtain the consent of the other spouse. If this does not happen, the second spouse may sue and the sale and purchase transaction is considered invalid.
• Who will get the children
The statistics says that more often women file for divorce and children stay with them. The court takes into account the following aspects when rendering a verdict:
1. characteristics of the place of work;
2. condition of living conditions;
3. testimony;
4. universal human qualities of both parents.
All the same statistics says that men rarely begin to recapture children. Often they realize that they know very little about the child and will not be able to educate him properly, but here the role is played by the peculiarities of character and temperament. You should understand that the child still needs to communicate with his father (if you break up because of disagreements, and not because of drunkenness or the like), so it’s best for you to immediately agree on the time when a man can visit the child.
Quite a controversial issue arises if the child in the family is not alone. Some judges go too far, seeking to find a middle ground, they divide the children. But one and all psychologists assert that it is impossible to do this, and children should stay together in order to support each other and to feel themselves one and the same family. Also, parents should be aware of this in order not to take hasty actions, which in the future will have to be bitterly sorry.
Who should you share your decision with and when you need to turn on the "fish" mode
It is extremely difficult for women to experience a problem on their own; they always really want to share with someone. There is, of course, a certain percentage of females who prefer to solve all the problems on their own and only discuss the color of the new dress and the fragrance of the perfume they like with the girlfriends. But if you don’t consider yourself to be one of those, you should at least learn how to filter the circle of people who can be trusted with information about the upcoming divorce.
• Mama
Someone has a close and trusting relationship with her mother, and someone calls up to her only on Sundays. In the second case, you most likely will not want to share such information, but if your mother is not one of those who will read the moral for two hours, and maybe even give good advice, you can tell. With the mother-girlfriend, the situation is somewhat more complicated, she just wants to tell everything in the smallest detail. In such a situation, we should not forget that mother always takes everything very close to her heart, to say nothing of the divorce of her beloved daughter. Yes, it is possible and even necessary to tell, so that later, after learning about what happened, the mother would not be offended that she did not find out about it earlier. But you should see the line. Do not overdo it with the accusations of the husband, do not remember how everything was the last two years of family life and describe your feelings in colors. Mother and so from half a word will understand you.
• Friend
Before telling anyone about the upcoming divorce, ask a simple question - why am I doing this? If you tell this to your mom to hear the wise advice of an experienced person, then what can advise the girlfriend, who herself is not yet married and whose experience rests solely on dozens of romance novels read and melodramas viewed. Yes, she can give you support, and quite a good one. There is already a need to navigate the situation, if your friend knows how to keep secrets (this is the most important point!) And can adequately support, then you can tell, but again, not all and not in the smallest details. Outline the picture in general, tell me what does not suit family life. If a friend is not in vain is such a title, she will not begin to seek out the details, knowing that you do not want to tell. If she still asks, it’s rather a banal curiosity, and not a desire to console and become a support. Think about whether you need such a friend?
• Psychologist
Visit a psychologist, before you start disassembling with her husband, a very good decision. But it is only correct if you go to a real professional and not to a twenty-three-year intern who has just completed an institute.
Here you can give free rein to your information flow, psychologists guarantee confidentiality, and therefore, to get good advice, tell everything in order. Such a conversation in any case will benefit you, because besides the fact that you can simply speak out, you will receive professional advice on how to talk to your husband and survive the divorce less painful.
• Online Forum
We live in a century of advanced technology, now many people devote much more time to virtual communication than to living. The option to share your problem on the forum seems not so bad. But here we are again returning to the starting question - why? It certainly will not give you the feeling that you have spoken, you will not find practical advice with a 98% probability on the world wide web, and reading similar stories-complaints from other girls in the comments is not the best thing at the moment. To write about your decision on the forum is rather some kind of automatic desire, since we are accustomed to notifying almost every network of our life to instantly absorb any information. Stop this autopilot and realize the senselessness of the idea.
• A priest
Going to church is also the right decision. Well, if you tell my father everything, you confess. But there is one important point - prayer. Whatever it was, but the priest is just a man, and now you need to communicate with the One who can support and comfort paternally - with God. Kneeling in prayer is always right. So you will get answers to the questions that are gnawing at you and you will feel a real release. Even better, if you read the Bible, there are even special editions, where references to certain verses from the Book of Books are signed as "If you are sad" or "If you are alone." Then in such and such cases you need to read such and such chapters, it is very convenient and interesting. You undoubtedly need to read this in order to strengthen yourself internally and to perk up.
More optimism, dear ladies!
It's a little weird to talk about optimism when you decide to leave your husband. But here it will not be too much to ask myself - why am I leaving him?
The answer is simple and always the same - to live happier, easier, more interesting. Isn't this optimism?
Since the very appearance of this idea, he lives inside of you, you just need to give him will.
Think about the future, imagine how colorful it will be. Dream, dream, realize!
Long dreamed of dreams to go swimming, but did not have enough time? The path is open!
I wanted to travel, but my husband was convinced that this somehow later? Go for the tickets!
You are free, remember, not alone, but free.
This time must be enjoyed, and not tears in the pillow pour. Decision is made? There are only nuances.
